Stories of experiences with ayahuasca
'' It is a foolish presumption to go scorning and condemning for fake what seems to us not likely ''. Montaigne
Healing comes in calmness and self-understanding. (Part 1)
A full moon night in the Amazon forest in a Maloca where we were many (more than 25 participants).
El Maestro Kestenbetsa comes in front of me and begins to sing, I see him in my visions covering several faces: of his ancestors and of his mother Maria, a great Maestra who is now 96 years old.
I feel his singing (icaros) rebalance my inner vibration, his face goes from human appearance to a jaguar, a bird and then a snake, the ultimate symbol of Amazonian medicine. I let him heal me, in my visions I am filled with nausea, he takes me out of my mind and explains to me in his song "here it is Stefano you are facing your creation since you were born".
I find myself in front of a floral, mechanical, quantum monument. A sense of relief overwhelms me, I finally understand instinctively the chains of my mental prison. He ends up lying down and I'm finally really aware of myself for the first time in my life. Tears flow from my eyes for more than half an hour without sadness, without happiness, I cry to be released from having grasped the subtlety of the mind, the body and the spirit ..
This trip, the will to get here to finally understand who I am... He tells me that this mental structure is pure construction that I can neither leave nor return, the change can only come from within this illusion of the self. What a party !! Muchas bendiciones Maestro.
At the crossroads of other worlds (2nd part)
My Maloca neighbor returns to his place and I get up to face the Shaman '' Walter'' who asks me how I am. '' Como estas Stefano? Si, todo bien.”
I get a slight smile because we shared more than thirty ceremonies together and a friendship has been built over time. He hands me the bottle and lets me measure the amount of ayahuasca, because now I am able to manage the level of intensity in relation to my intention.
The glass is half full of brownish liquid, its scent thrills my whole body. I take it in my hands, close my eyes, bend my head and focus on my intention "majestic ayahuasca show me who I am, por favor". Porting the glass to my mouth, I drink the sacred concotion in one sip.
I return to my place and comfortably put my back straight while paying attention to my breathing in order to start to let go.
I am leaning my back on the maloca and I can feel my mind (or ego) resisting because he knows this will be a challenging night. I must center myself to maintain a positive energy, of love to direct in one fixed point all of my senses, which is symbolized by my hands joined in front of me.
My body recognizes the first symptoms of connection with the plant, the heart accelerates and I learned during previous ceremonies to regulate it well, make it vibrate to its minimum because the real healing journey only begins in the condition of inner calmness. I no longer feel the weight of my body, I am like a boat whose engine has just been shut down and the inertia will allow it to return to the harbour to moor it smoothly. The goal is to minimize my breathing to finally switch to the other side of the mirror. We can consider this act as a small death.
Ayahuasca means the vine of the spirits / the dead, it has been consumed by the various Amazonian ethnicities for more than 4800 years.
I can feel the plant invading my body by different signs: small tinglings, ringings in the ears, I'm ready ...
After half an hour the shaman begins to sing and suddenly the plant is illuminated in me. I open my eyes and face the sacred geometry, I am contemplative, I see that a light above my head illuminates my vision as a headlamp. I look at my hands and there, surprise… I see my the different colors of my chakras, each one with the same size. I now have an X-ray quantum and thermal vision of my body. I realize that I am connected, I understand that it shows me who I really am in a first degree. (hence the importance of being very clear with yourself when you manifest your intention).
I am energy, just an experience of the universe which is through me maintained as the link of a long chain to which we are all part, from the microcosm to the macrocosm.
I understand the intensity, the importance of this vision without having all the ins and outs. I lose my grip and I feel the plant taking me to a much darker place. The vision is reduced, the light is getting smaller and smaller, I feel sucked up followed by nausea, sounds of body fluids: a deep cleansing takes place.
The information it induces goes through my filters and I understand that to circulate freely in me I must free myself from what interferes with vomiting in order to give free rein to this pure energy information that spreads in me . (Vomiting is often accompanied by visions related to what the plant brings out of yourself). I call the maestro '' ayudas mi Walter. '' From his place he starts to sing and finally my inner vibratory frequency picks up and the light invades me again.
Muchas bendicion Walter.
When reality goes beyond fiction. (3rd part)
It's time, it’s 19:30, I close the door of my casa and I’m making my way almost religiously to the maloca. I am finally equipped to deal with almost all eventualities, at least I believe it at the moment.
Survival kit of an ayahuascero for a ceremony:
Mapatcho (powerful Amazonian tobacco repellent of negative energies)
Agua de florida (floral fragrance which smells keeps bad spirits away)
Bottle of water
Dynamo light and a good dose of motivation.
Three shamans are present: two shipibos-conibos maestros and a maestra of Pucalpa.
The maloca is filled with people who arrived from the four corners of the planet (Canadian, Swiss, Argentina, Russian, Colombian, American etc.).
Tonight the evening promises to be eventful because a Brazilian healer is present to free himself from the bad energies absorbed during practiced care in his country of origin.
I am surrounded by people who have practiced Amazonian medicine for a long time and I already feel a strong ambient energy in the maloca. I am lying, smoking a mapatcho while everyone is preparing themselves.
It is time, the shaman raises his head after finishing his ritual, the distribution of "magic potion" begins.
My intention tonight is clear and unequivocal, ''Majestic ayahuasca frees me from my demons, I want to be free of body and mind ''
The sacred drink is now in me and I feel the plant spread in all the cells of my body, more intensely than usual.
The shamans begin the ceremony with silent whistles, tss tss tss.
No sacred geometry or other vision presents itself to me, yet I am already nauseous, I feel some tinglings and a weight that increses down in the pit of my stomach. This evening I understand that the cosmic visions and other pleasant sensations will not be present.
At the bottom of my throat I feel a discomfort without knowing what it is. I drink water once, twice but nothing to do, the silence of the maloca is frightening tonight.
An urgent desire is felt and I have to go to the bathroom outside located a hundred meters from the maloca. I get up abruptly because I have to speed up the pace in order to arrive clean. While going there I realize that there is something wrong with my thoughts, they are very dark and I feel that they are driven by my stomach ???!
Heading back to the maloca, I raise my eyes to the sky and I am blown away by the beauty of the Amazonian starry sky. An intense emotion invades me to tears as if it was the calm before the storm.
I open the door of the maloca and just as I return I am surprised by violent movements of the stomach, I am barely centered internally because disturbed by these unknown sensations.
Sitting on my mattress, the shaman begins to sing and I can feel a host in me. Eyes closed I can finally perceive my ''susto'' (negative energy, emotional knots, traumas accumulated throughout life and with time it forms a like ball endowed with a shell hardened by our fears, our ego. When the shaman comes to sing it cracks it open with the vibratory frequency of his icaro to finally expel it. This can take months of diet).
I'm petrified by how I feel and what I see when these two worlds cross each other. I'm in the middle of a horror film, a ''spectral, insectoid creature like a sprawling octopus from out of space '' is wriggling in me, I can feel raising in my mouth a liquid that can be likened to pus with a taste of blood. I spit in the bucket this infamous secretion, take a mapatcho between my hands, icarise it (protect me from evil por favor) and light it immediately (to icarise means to whistle or sing in order to emit a strong intention). I inhale the smoke blow it on my body, on the side of my stomach. My throat is tightened while I spray myself with agua de florida because now I need to hang on more than ever .
I accept and maintain the content of my intention tonight. I must lie down because the fear has invaded me. With my eyes closed I hear inside of me like scalpels sounds with a vision of gutters opening and letting out an indescribable matter.
I cannot even call the shaman because I am overwhelmed by the internal turmoil, my host does not appreciate the evening that looms.
The more the songs of the three maestros intensifies the more I can feel it vibrate in me.
The shaman is not too far and it's going to be my turn to receive his singing. Eyes open I see nothing and when I close them I see my host, sweat pours out of me. Sitting crossed legs with my hands joined, I have to calm down and accept the situation without flinching. Hardly as I thought about this I can feel something raising up to my throat and going back and forth from right to left mixed with this secretion.
I take the bucket and open my mouth to evacuate and nothing comes out, just a small rapid kind of tentacle. I do not know what to do anymore, a voice says to me ''Amigo vienes enfrente de mí”. Walter the shaman takes my hand to help me sit down with my bucket and he understands that I am in total distress. It begins with a silent whistling, the sprawling octopus stops clear of agitation. He sings loudly and my head plunges into the bucket to vomit, not one but several critters move in the molasses of the receptacle and then evaporate on their own.
The maestro takes my hands and breathes mapacho. I feel a little better and I now know that I'm here to take care of this recalcitrant tenant who has trouble understanding that the lease is not going to be renewed, at least in his conditions, because he is just a part of me and I must respect with love this unconscious creation that is mine to tame and not to fight.
This is the first face to face with myself and the evacuated parasites are just scouts. I am two months of dieting, I lost 15 kilos, I eat a vegetarian fish of the amazon and two bananas every day, consciously I weaken my body to strengthen my mind and the deep cleaning is only beginning, hence the importance that a curandero is present for during each take of Ayahuasca.
Shaman shipibo-conibo to a Aguaruna shaman descendant of the Jivaro people. (4th part)
It's been four months since I’ve been on a diet to take the plant five times a week.
A long-time friend has just arrived in the northern Amazon region of Peru. He has been attending a center for several years because with the shaman Don Luis they are the founding pillars.
The Selva Madre center is located on the side of Padre Cocha, a village half an hour by boat from Iquitos on the Rio Nanay.
I was invited for a fortnight to share ancestral medicine with my friend Fabricio and the participants, which makes about ten people present for this session.
I am introduced to Don Luis Rimachi and his family, I understand that the energy of the center is family oriented and warm.
He informs me that I am considered here as a member of the family, which really touches me because I feel the content of his sincerity.
The center is located a few kilometers from the village, deep in the selva and everything is arranged to guarantee a first quality experience with the plant. I am already looking forward to the next 10-day seminar scheduled a few days later and to which we will participate.
After spending 3 days visiting the site, the village, fishing on the Amazon river, the day arrives.
We spend the afternoon lounging on our hammocks enjoying the calm and energy of the place.
The night begins to fall and we are preparing to return to the maloca well before the beginning of the ceremony in order to refocus to have the best experience.
Don Luis the shaman arrives and greets us, he officiates with his two students: Anderson and Luis Jr. his son. Three candles are consumed in the middle of the maloca which adds a mystical almost solemn atmosphere.
Luis begins to serve the beverage, Anderson moves and comes to offer it to each participant. My turn comes, I grab the glass and pause my intention ''majestic ayahuasca show me the way, Lelahel (my guardian angel) elder brother be by my side tonight because I need your help''.
I drink Ayahuasca in one go and quickly realize that the glass is twice as full as my neighbors. I smile because these are the joys of being invited. My friend at my side finds the same thing, the trip will be intense tonight.
About half an hour later the transcendent sound of a chacapa is heard, followed by hisses. The vision emerges in a halo of violet colors. The melodious song of Luis puts me in an intense joy, full of good intention and love.
I'm cross-legged for a long time and I put my chest on my knees in order to relax my back. I can hear Fabricio speaking next to me saying relax, get up, I turn and look at him and his eyes and mouth are closed, yet I hear him speak to me. I stand up and he opens his eyes and I hear "ouaah ouaaaah this delirium!" (He later confirms to me that he thought this words without pronouncing them).
A ceremonious has just entered the maloca, he is followed by a halo of energetic white light in crescent moon revealing the vaulted stature of an eternally big and bearded being (about three meters, a Gandalf of the Lord of the Rings). He is in the maloca and looks from right to left, his head turns in my direction and he approaches immediately. He is right in front of me, his hands joined, he bends his head slightly forward as if to greet me. My maloca mate does not believe his eyes, he still has a mapatcho lighted on in case it is necessary to interrupt this meeting of the ''third or fourth type'', I do not know anymore. The fluffy character of energy rises and walks towards the bottom of the maloca to disappear.
I feel good, privileged, grateful, humble, understanding that this visit has a link with my intention of the evening because this entity was simply my guardian angel ''Lelahel'' who came to pay me a courtesy visit in person. What an honor, what a surprise, what an adventure this long stay in the Amazon in the shamanic environment.
Don Luis continues to sing accompanied by his son Luis and Anderson, I have to get up to join the outside. As I get up I feel like a hand in my back, the song of the curandero intensifies and I must absolutely leave the maloca because an express desire to vomit seizes me.
I barely opened the door that a 380 degrees of gastric fluid springs from my mouth by revealing thousands of bright orange spots (??), after three figures of "gastric geometry" it finally calms. I Feel relieved of a weight that was always present in me as an old sticky energy, which dates from previous lives.
It should be known that it is possible to work with the plant on the remains of karmic energies, emotional knots or traumas of past lives, to be able to understand the why of certain addictions, to feel with all its being the consequences of its past acts without being judged. I even saw artists coming to diet a plant several months to just refine their brush stroke, dancers in search of grace energy. The ceremony ends, the participants return to their casa and a small debriefing takes place with the shamans. I tell them my evening and the shaman concludes that I am welcome in this reality as well as the one beyond.
I am touched by what he says to me, honored, grateful, blown away by the power of the ayahuasca. We are talking and I can see the radiant energy of my interlocutors and vice versa, with my eyes I perceive their aura. At the time I understand this phenomenon without really knowing it, by that I mean that I perceive this information which is outside me at that moment, the effects of the plant allow me to define where this universal knowledge comes from. Am I clear ?! (ayahuasca significantly increases the serotonin level of your brain unlike all other products listed as drugs.) In Peru Ayahuasca is part of the national heritage under the guise of respecting the medical precautions. In France its consumption is forbidden).We are walking towards our common house and I stop several times to continue to purge from the energies that no longer need to be. Once in our hammock, Fabricio puts a little music like Pink floyd and the travel continues, the visions intensify, the plant shows me everything I need to see, to know, to perceive in the moment. My friend reminds me that I can continue to enjoy this connection that lasts through the night to get answers to questions that I have always asked. Let’s try it. Cross-legged on my rocking hammock, I pause for a strong intention: "majestic ayahuasca shows me what our universe is made of." In my head it's a neuron party and I feel reckless enough to follow her where she wants me to go. I am sucked, I find myself in the space following a planet that falls I do not know where, a fulgurating acceleration pulls me from this planet to allow me to contemplate the spiral-shaped milky way.
The plant induces me that there is an end as there is a beginning, I do not even think anymore and stays glued to the show which is very real, just in a different dimension. So well connected with the spirit of the plant that I can even talk about it to my friend without it being evaporated by the action of the mind. We light on a mapatcho, the moon illuminates on the outside the huge banana trees which from a certain angle of view gives us the impression to be on another planet, letting you believe that any creature can come out of it anytime. I am grateful for what the universe offers me on a daily basis, whether at ceremonies or time spent sharing meals with the locals, at home, fishing, at the market or on the terrace of a family home in front of which you can sit to share the meal, while drinking chicha (a traditional Peruvian corn based soft drink).
The night ends in a deep inner calm, in agreement with everything, in full consciousness. The next morning Don Luis discusses with my friend and asks him if I’d be interested to work with him because he knows that before that I worked for a center where I managed a team of Peruvian workers where we were in charge of planning and security. In learning this I am delighted to find that the shamans, the Amazon curanderos appreciate my energetic company. Will I finally find my place on this planet? !! (to be continued)
Connection to the source by a sacred link of friendship and a story of eggs. (5th part)
In the evening a person arrived at the center, a Franco-Peruvian who comes to work there as a driver and translator because of his double nationality.
In the early morning I leave my house for lunch, it is one of the days of the week without ceremony. It is appreciable to respect a break time to assimilate the resonance of the information. (energy rebalancing).
I meet Bruno and at first sight have a smile that seems appropriate. The presentations are made, like the feeling of knowing each other for a long time and we share breakfast.
I see that he already knows the shaman, his family and the manager of the center. It's great, we are complementary from our origins, his French needs some work and I speak a rudimentary Spanish.
Tomorrow night he will make his entrance in the maloca and he asks me if he can be my neighbor, I accept with pleasure.
The day is spent in sharing and friendship, we get to know each other in the joy of being just present in full awareness.
I have some clues that make me think that Bruno is a future curandero because he has this energy in him. He has already diet several plants in his life and has known the ayahuasca and shamanic environment from a young age through his father.
19:30, barely installed Bruno begins to burn palo santo, he is in his element there.
We share a mapatcho with Walter the shaman, we are installed just to his right so the last to drink the beverage.
The tour begins, some pause their intentions other drink it straight without calculating anything and I can see the stress on some faces because remember that it is far from being a pleasure to explore oneself.
Fifteen minutes that we have absorbed the potion, Bruno begins to vomit while smiling, he looks happy even while purging himself. Once finished he starts to whistle and sing in shipibo, I am pleasantly surprised even impressed, I would say.
This ceremony unrolls quietly, leaving momentarily noises of groans, vomiting mixed with the transcendent songs of the curanderos.
For me this ceremony is pleasant, only good sensations, I am well pampered by the plant. Geometric visions accompanied by thousands of small serpents turning, gravitating around the same axis.
I feel the medicine repairing little by little my energetic faults (emotional nodes, traumas of the past etc ..)
I leave the maloca and find my friend in the kitchen who’s eating on the sly a few bananas. I cannot help but ask him who he really is. He gives me a smile and we get back to our hammocks, talk a little and while wishing me a good night he informs me that tomorrow we will try a ritual with eggs, a kind of energetic cleaning.
The Amazon night is happening in a very mystical atmosphere, sometimes we can see very unusual things especially under the influence of ayahuasca.
Even the shipibos guards of the center always carry out their round with mapatcho because they never know what kind of energy they can bump into the selva. The locals do not run out of legends that always have reasons to be.
The next day at 4 pm, it is time to take the plant that I diet. We all meet at the "casa de médicina" where the plants baths, shipibo massages and any other ritual before ceremony are taken.
I invite Bruno to share a mapatcho, he follows me making a detour through the kitchen and he comes with four eggs and a big glass. While smoking, he explains to me the practical side of this energy cleansing technique using eggs. I remain open and wonder what to expect.
After an hour of discussion between moments of silence he asks me if I’m still willing to try the experiment. I am ready for this ritual of ancestral magic.
Standing up without moving, I feel him raise his arms to the sky holding two eggs in each hand. He prays in a very quick whisper several times (in the same way as our European healers when they charm you) and begins to rub my body with the eggs: my back, my head, my chest, my legs. Suddenly he stops and breaks an egg on the glass filled with water and it mixes with the water while forming disturbing figures that Bruno is quick to decipher and so on for the other eggs.
Basically I understand that it has cleansed me of some energies and that the ceremony tonight is going to be very strong. Anyway I feel really lighter.
At 7pm we are in the maloca, purifying the place with palo santo. We light the candles of the bathrooms, the only lighting, which is very appreciated for the frequent round trips.
Everything is ready and I decide to take a nap in order to change my state of consciousness before the ceremony begins.
A quarter of an hour later Bruno takes my arm and I open an eye, everyone is present, and it's already our turn to fill our glass of fresh ayahuasca, prepared and refined the same day.
I am serene, detached from my mind, tonight I have no intentions. I only drink my glass thanking the plant spirits and the universe to take care of me.
The songs of Walter begins to invade the maloca, the plant circulates in me and I feel a force, an intensity very different from all the other times. With my back straight and my hands clasped, I center myself with disconcerting ease. Half an hour passes and already several companions have begun to make gastric geometry" in the bottom of their bucket.
Bruno already has the head in the bucket and does whatever is necessary to evacuate what must go out, to then live the connection. I feel compassionate and I even find myself asking the plant to help him vomit a little bit of his trouble to relieve him, because it is possible to help someone to vomit some of his evil under ayahuasca.
Once purged, he puts down his bucket and gradually begins to sing with the shaman. I'm between both of them and the vibration of their songs in stereo puts me in a trance, I can hear the buzz of an aircraft engine in my head, the plant induces me to follow her, my heart beats.
My friend comes to sit in front of me and begins to sing in shipibo then in French, incorporating my name to the song and there it changes everything, I open my eyes and distinguish my friend in front of me, two arms apart making from top to bottom movements. I have the impression of having Shiva in front of me, he stops singing and speaks to me, his voice is as if changed: he has a striking tone of voice and vibration. There I understand that I he is a particularly awake person.
I hold out my hands and there, change of scenery. His energy enters me and I find myself in a huge quantum room decorated with thousands of mineral stone on each side of me. I see the shaman in a sort of energetic throne. Frozen like a Buddha, an energy descends on us with a strong intensity and at the same time an indescribable sweetness.
Bruno regains his place and I understand that it's going to be strong. I also see him on a throne and Maria, a maestra of 95 years old also sits in this kind of ''energy checkpoint ''. The energy comes from above and comes down on us from a very luminous egg-shaped halo, I feel it coming back into me, my body stores it, I feel my eyes roll back, I do not move anymore and taked in what happens in the top of my head while clumping in the hollow of my stomach.
An energetic ball is forming and I know that I will have to expel it because I feel that I am reaching a limit. At one stroke a part of the energy ball implodes. While propelling itself on my right side, it goes through Bruno and then Maria who amplifies it in turn and begins to reach the other participants. I can see its progress forming the rounded shape of the maloca.
At the same time that it reaches a maloca companion, he begins to vomit loudly, almost instantly and so on for a dozen people.
The healing energy goes around the maloca and I prepare myself with my bucket because it’s coming back to me and surprise !! It returns from where it came out, no vomiting or other purging symptoms are felt. Requests for help are heard, the shaman must assist because there just has been a collective cleansing.
I turn and look at my friend, I am grateful because he made me feel and see the source, an energy of fraternal love as I have never felt in my life before. This is the first ceremony where I felt the true energy, the one of which one does not doubt at any moment.
Then I learn that most participants had the same vision, one of a giant egg filled with energy. For my part I find this coincidence strange but beautiful and well lived by all of us. This healing energy is accessible to all from the moment we have faith because it is the spark necessary for this connection.
During my stay I met a dozen shamans and they all have one point in common: the intelligence of the heart guided by a rock solid faith.
Thanks you Bruno for your sharing mi amigo, mi hermano del luz .Muchas bendiciones